day one of stepping outside of my comfort zone daily

Yesterday evening when planning my day, I also had to decide how I will leave my comfort zone today. I wanted to pick something that wasn’t too hard but not too simple either. Since I had a lot of free time today, I picked going to the parkour spot I usually go to to attend a weekly open training and train there by myself for 30 minutes. It scares me because I think there would be other traceurs there who are way better than me and would see my clumsy attempts at jumping over a wall. Even worse, people I know from the weekly training could be there and see my jerky training. I was scared of being seen and feeling judged.

So today, I went there. In the morning I thought: “well, this can’t be too hard, I’ll just do it” but as the time came closer, I got a bit nervous. In the train on the way there, my nervousness increased and I started to think of all the ways I was scared of that event. Then, I left the station to go to the spot. My heart was beating and I was seriously contemplating whether to just leave it and go home. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. As I walked towards the array of walls and stairs I desperately hoped that no one would be there and I could just calmly do my workout and have the challenge done for today. Then, I turned around the corner and — nobody was there.

I was relieved, but also — disappointed. I went and did my workout but it wasn’t very hard. I did the thing on my challenge list, but I didn’t really meet the requirements which is to take one full step out of my comfort zone. I don’t know if I would have chickened out if there had actually been people I know. I didn’t really feel satisfied with what I did. I wandered around a bit , thinking of another thing I could do for the challenge today. I was near the place where my previous internship was so I decided to go there- to reconnect with somebody from my past.

At first, I wasn’t sure if it even counted as a proper challenge since I was just meeting people I already knew. Then, as I came closer, almost like magic, doubts popped up in my head. I wondered if it wouldn’t come of quite weird that I visit the place more than one year after I had finished my internship there and if they were already gossiping about how weird it was that I kept showing up. Or if they would think I want to slyly ask them for a job opportunity. As the place came closer, I found myself wishing it was closed because of Corona so I wouldn’t have to go in. It was something I was scared of, so it definitely counted.

The place wasn’t closed. I met a few people outside and an ex- coworker inside and talked to them. I felt a bit nervous as I didn’t have a particular reason to be there like last time. I just came to talk. And it was nice to talk with the people there again- I actually enjoyed it. When asked how I was, I told my struggles of finding a job or internship and that I didn’t get in a Master’s instead of just saying “fine”. I was also honest.

I left with the sure feeling that I had completed to challenge for today- and it felt good.